The Black Box
The Black Box sits in my living room. Sometimes lights come on in the Black Box. A lot of the time when the lights are on, there is sound coming out of that Black Box. It is a loud sound that, truth be told, could be more pleasant. More pleasant things are my kids’ laughter. More pleasant is the sound of Vivaldi or Mozart, Cradle of Filth or Hatebreed, Pendulum or The Prodigy, Celia Cruz or...
I did it again. I let someone get close enough to my heart to give me that heart-stopping, life-ending, motivation-killing, Don’t-You-See-That-You-Are-Killing-Me feeling. The worst part is that I am stuck with him. There is no escaping him. He will be in my life until me last dying breath. He will probably BE the cause of my last dying breath. I know now with no doubt, just in case that I...
You think that kids are worth it- but they’re not. They just aren’t. They’re nothing but arrogant and selfish little pieces of shit who will forget you, and everything that you sacrificed for them, when they grow up and get a life of their own. The fucked up thing is, that as a parent, you’re fucked either way. If you give your kids everything, you will still be left alone...
Cam pointed out a little boy on the boardwalk who is disfigured. No more than 4 years old. We have to be grateful for what we have, even when a lot of the important stuff is missing.
A word to you kids
I hate to break this to you. But you should know, that high school, never ends. It continues through college and right on to the workplace. You got your bullies, your cliques, your psychos, the drama queens, the gossip, the backstabbing, etc. The difference is that when you’re in high school, you can beat up the person annoying you and all you’ll get is detention or suspension (this is...
What I like at night
Soft lights. Red wine. The French Cafe station on Pandora. Soothing sounds. A clean surface. A crisp clean bed. A feather pillow. Candlelight. And Love.
Whyyyy oh why did they get banned?? Oh yes, due to Philip Morris not wanting the extra competition. Cloves unsafe? My ass! Kids are going to smoke whatever they can get, so HEY let’s take away the mild yummy flavored ones and get them hooked on the marlboros and newports instead. Yea, those are healthier. Idiots!
Everything he said was true
Thewatchtowerfiles said disfellowshipped witnesses often become hopelessly depressed and suicidal. He is 100% correct. To fastsleeper: the above is completely independent of last night’s event.
It is such a surreal experience to be here in this hall, a full year since I first wrote about this on q now defunct tumblr blog. It is all so surreal. How did I get here? What an I doing here? Is it really going to make a difference? Alana, if you are reading this, I trust that you know what I am referring to. I need strength. I need strength to make it through. Amen.
I could have a few cigarettes, but I’m trying to quit (for reasons of vanity, mind you. Nothing to do with health). Same with the drinking. I have the anti-anxiety medication and an accute fear of ending up a junky like Reiken’s ex wife - tho the fact is that I hate pills. I want to give up but can’t help trying to keep being strong. I hate my job but I like my paycheck.
I’m a nice girl. I am fun. I am sweet. I am caring and give a lot of myself. I am social. Why is it so hard to find true friends? Oh wait, I did have friends. They belong to a cult so they cant speak to me now that I’m out of the cult. I had a few that I burned along the way- those are my fault. Then I dedicated myself to my job and family and then there’s no room for...
It's so tempting to just settle
Because I work so hard and want so much. But I know that if I settle it will inevitably backfire and make me more bitter than I already am…
I’m a perfect devil. Tell me how bad I am. It makes me feel so good.– Lestat de Lioncourt (via femmefatalist) This makes me think of how I feel when I am on uber-bitch mode and don’t give a fuck who I piss off.
Another day's useless energy spent
My kid got himself grounded and so all my fun weekend plans went out the window. Reiken is out of motivation too and he’s just vegetating in front of the TV. The stacked piles of laundry I folded last night are scattered about. The flatware drawer threw up and the forks and knives are on the counter. Someone forgot to put away the hummus and chips they were eating. The black hole (our house)...
I’m watching old Martin reruns and reminiscing to a time when life was simple and still full of hope.
What is a more effective way of sleeping? Sleeper combo? Smoking for years waiting for a slow death? Working years off my life? Or the living dead
What do you do when there is no motivation left, no more reason to fight, nothing else to do or anything left to want to do? I’m wilting again.
time is a tricky thing.: quixotic. →
femmefatalist: another night of alcohol-induced mistakes/regrets/unfulfilled longings passes by and we’re left with regrets that are almost like dreams. i’ll sit outside in the newly fallen rain and watch the it hit the ground and dissolve, realize that nothing is forever and maybe that’s a good…
Ok, bad karma
We went to the metaphysical chapel on Sunday and they reminded me to stay positive. Apparently I am harboring a lot of hate and anger. It’s just that it’s hard to let it go when you’re surrounded by it.
Half the Sky
It is amazing to me to realize the extent to which women are disrespected on an everyday basis, in every race, at every cultural level, based on their gender, age, looks, and submissiveness (or lack thereof). Judged everyday. The measuring stick is almost always their beauty. And even then- good luck getting respect if you are beautiful. IF there is a God that created man and Woman… why did...
Burn the bras
Reiken aside…. I really, really, really hate men. Especially Latino men. But all men. Being told that I’m just a girl and no one respects me, being offered peanuts to do three jobs and then finding out that the hired a guy with a Hummer to do only ONE of those jobs (and you know he wont accept peanuts for payment… He’s gotta pay for that Hummer, you know). Knowing that...